When you called me heartless

I guess i am in constant denial that I don't need love - the romantic kind of love.
Then one night, I found myself praying, how I wish God would give me that someone to make me feel the way that lovers feel during courtship... during their first month together... their first Christmas or holiday... the first fight... the first make up after a very short break up... the first kiss... the first time you wake up with your whole body wrapped around that person's arms... The first time you tell each other how happy your are that your together and how you would try to make it through every struggle...and all that..


Bittersweet cause it seems like it never ever comes, while others change from one relationship to another..
Maybe cause I might be looking for the wrong reason, at the wrong time, wrong place or I maybe looking at the wrong person.
If I'm looking for love, I know I wouldn't find it in someone who already loves another.

So I guess that made me realize that I can be on the right track now
Although it feels like my body has been crippled by this unknown feeling
some call it hope, expectation, hunch and some may even call it faith.
I call it momentarily happiness, an afternoon delight - the bliss drug
The kind of drug that keeps you soaring high and crushes your heart until you cant breath, your mind blows and you literally grow paranoia describing how you can feel butterflies in your stomach and hearing your heart break.

It's dangerous
You are dangerous and contagious
I am lost and wished that it was true - when you called me heartless.
Then I wouldn't be writing this note with you in mind.

disclaimer:Inspired by Heartless - The Fray cover. =) This is fictional, an illusion